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Monday, February 23, 2015

5 Tips on Coping with Childhood Rage

5 Tips for Coping with Rage in Children


I don't talk about this subject to many people. Only a chosen few know what my husband and I have gone through over the last few years. I as a mom have dealt with the emotional entourage that comes with this subject. And now I feel that I can share what I have learned over time. 

 Many parents out there suffer emotionally when their children experience rage. I'm not talking foot stomping, slamming doors, crying, temper tantrums type of anger. I'm talking full blown, mind blowing, blind rage. Stuff that can scare the living daylights out of you. Especially when it's your child. 

For years, not only did I blame myself as a mom, but I was blamed for his episodes of destructive anger. There were women, even in my bible study group who blamed me, family members blamed me. I got the looks in the store, dentist office, and doctors offices . There were times that I was yelled at in public because of my son's  rage. 

With this blame came depression and an actual belief that it was me that was causing this. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't cry. I felt so alone. I couldn't go anywhere without worrying when or what would drive him to it. 

But after a few years of  counseling, behavioral therapy school, medications, support groups, lots of great doctors. I finally have a handle on this. I'm no expert but our house is less stressful, happier, he's happier than we have been in a long time. 


Tips for Coping with Childhood Rage

1. Stay Calm!! It can be tough to do. I won't lie. It took me a while to understand that getting angry myself doesn't help the situation. It can make it much worse.  Count to ten to calm yourself even if you need to or go to the other room until you can stay calm. 

2. I can't recommend a developmental pediatrician enough. Ask your child's doctor for a referral. A 15 minute appointment is not enough to get your child the help they need. Ours spent 8 straight hours with my son. Interacting and observing. 

3. Join a support group. It's amazing how many parents truly believe that they are the only ones are going through this. You need to be able to talk about it. 

4. Keep telling yourself , "IT'S NOT MY FAULT" . It's not, I promise. This kind of anger is not because of lack of discipline, too much sugar, or lazy parenting. You are a good parent. Don't start doubting yourself or it will eat at you. 

5. Most importantly, make sure you let your child know that you love them. They can't help the rage. It's out of there control. They need to understand that you are there for them no matter what. 


Eventually, you and your child will learn what triggers their rage, what works to calm them, and how to stop it before it starts. I will touch more on the issue in future posts. But for now, hugs to all of you. You are doing an awesome job. It may not feel like it right now. But you are! 

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. I'd be glad to help!

19 comments:

  1. So sorry that you had to deal with this. I can't imagine how stressful it must have been, but I'm glad that you had the resources available to get the help that you needed. Big hugs, mama.

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    1. Thanks Cyndy. It was tough. I hope that sharing what I have learned will help others.

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  2. Oh man I can't imagine what you've gone through. What a learning experience though and that you have been able to learn and grow from this. Thank you for sharing! I agree you will be able to help other mother's through this.

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  3. Cat Davis10:41 AM

    Our son is dealing with ADHD/ODD and I can tell you for me, it gets so exhausting. The first thing I learned to do was always stay calm, no matter how out of control his emotions and behavior get.

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    1. Hugs to you Cat!! You are awesome! Sometimes as moms we do everything we can to help our kids but we forget about us. Take care of you too!

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  4. Not sure if my comment went through or not, but my son goes through this. I hope one day he will grow out of it but these are great tips.

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    1. Big Hugs to you Lisa. It does take time. I don't know if my son will grow out of it either. We still experience set backs but now we know how to handle them.

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  5. It is so great you are sharing I am sure there are many others suffering in silence! It is so hard when our kids have something they need help with as we feel it reflects on us, a wise person reminded me our kids are not a direct reflection of who we are. They are independent people that we can guide but ultimately they are their own person separate from us.

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    1. It isn't easy remember that. I took a lot of prayer and encouragement from other parents to keep it ingrained into my head. Thanks for the reminder!

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  6. My son Jason also suffered from rage. It was 3 years of my life that made me lose 30 years off my life. He was kicked out of school. He would hit, kick, throw desks, hurt himself. We had therapists, neurolgists, psychiatrists, medications and nothing worded. One day he just turned around and now he is the happiest kid in the world. But I'm not kidding, I have yet to recover and there is part of me that doesn't quite trust him. That is awful I realize but I'm damaged. I see a therapist and I'm working through it.
    Lee

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    1. Lee, you are one awesome mom! It will take time to heal. Take lots of time for you and surround yourself with people who love you, love your son, and encourage you!

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  7. I can't even imagine how difficult this must be to go through but you sound so strong and your tips are amazing!

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  8. This is going to help many people who are going through this and don't know how to feel or what to do. I love your cheerleader attitude.

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    1. Thanks Liz. I hope what we went through will help other moms .

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  9. At our home it isn't so much rage, as laughing at discipline. Now that takes all the patience I can muster at times. I "get" why it happens, that only makes it a little easier to deal with.

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    1. I have one that does that too. Figuring out emotions is not his forte . I have to remind myself that he doesn't understand how to react. But some days, I let myself get frustrated.

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  10. Mmmmmmm... I'm so glad that I never had to deal with this with the girls. Guess I'm lucky.

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    1. You are blessed ! And so am I. It was rough and some days I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. But this taught me patience, it calmed my heart, and a glimpse into my son's heart when he would cry and say he was he was sorry.

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I love comments!!! I will try to reply to your comments. But please be patient. I have three kiddos in the house and sometimes I am a tad preoccupied.