I was so disillusioned and naive. . .
Here are just a few of the things I find myself telling my boys, weekly, if not everyday.
Do not sniff the dogs butt.
The whole roll of toilet paper does not go in the toilet at one time.
Do not pee under the trampoline.
Please keep your clothes on, we have guests.
The toothpaste does not belong on the walls.
No attempting to ride your skate board down the stairs.
Please do not eat the dog's food, it's almost dinner time.
Ice Cream is not an acceptable breakfast food.
Shampoo + Soap + Conditioner = a shower not a science experiment.
Do not use shaving cream as shampoo!
Please do not plant dandelions in my garden.
Butter is not to be eaten as a snack.
Do not twerk on the side of the road waving your pumpkin in the air at the pumpkin stand.
Fruit snacks do not make your socks non-skid.
Please do not use the entire tube of hair gel in one sitting.
Do not stare at me in the middle of the night till I wake up and then yell I CAN'T FIND MY SHIRT!!!
Do not chase your brother with a blade of grass. You know he abhors the color green.
The floor is not your trash can!
Please chew your food in a timely manner. Six hours to eat a bite of steak is not an acceptable time line.
Mustard is not shampoo!!
Do not fart on the dog. He doesn't like it!
Please do not bring in every bug known to man in the house.
Please tell me when your imaginary friend is a soda can so I won't throw it away causing horrible emotional trauma.
Goldfish crackers belong in your mouth not up your nose.
The fluff in the pillows is to stay in the pillows. It is not snow.
So, what things have you told your kids NOT to do this week?